good afternoon! or should i say bad afternoon? sorry. back by popular demand, here are some bad things. and as always, i’m kidding! besides, of course, when i’m not.
1. netflix autoplaying trailers when you hover on a title for too long
absolutely hate this. it gives me vertigo. there’s probably a simple way to turn it off but i get too enraged to stay in the app long enough to figure it out.
2. the lighting in dressing rooms
you’d think they would be incentivized to put skinny mirrors and dim lighting in these places so you would want to buy the clothes. but instead, scientific studies have shown that stepping foot inside of a nordstrom dressing room is the leading cause of body dysmorphia in the united states.
3. chicago pizza & oven grinder’s ‘pizza pot pie’
i’m sorry, but in what world does this look tasty? i don’t care how good it allegedly is — that is an undercooked bowl of slop. where is the browned cheese? the golden crust? this looks like a meal shrek would eat. every time someone posts it on their instagram story, i lose my appetite.
4. the fact that your mouth waters when you’re hungry AND when you’re about to vomit
major design flaw.
5. calling your dog or significant other ‘stinky’ as a nickname
saw a couple on tik tok doing this. profoundly unsettling stuff.
6. the infantilizing way people talk these days
‘girl dinner’ ‘i’m just a girl’ WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????? i won’t deny that the internet has turned my vocabulary into slush, but things are getting out of control.
7. people who think they are stronger than the subway and therefore don’t need to hold onto anything
instead they spread their legs as wide as the mississippi like they are preparing to do the limbo. and it’s always a man in a deloitte vest doing this, by the way. but i know he is actually focusing sooo hard on not falling.
8. how everybody loves to post the ‘i love you’ ‘it’ll pass’ exchange from fleabag but always leaves out the part where the hot priest says ‘i love you’ back
he says it back!!! why won’t you cowards include it in your memes? it’s all the more heartbreaking!
9. those grapes that taste like cotton candy
grapes should not taste like cotton candy. they should taste like grapes. hope this helps!
10. miscellaneous
silent ubers, smelly ubers, being hungover in an uber, the way riding in an uber makes you feel hungover even when you’re not, grown men who leave the toilet seat up in communal work bathrooms, being late, the ceaseless accumulation of dust in your home, people who stand still on the moving walkways in the airport, the fact that you never check the right pocket first when you’re looking for something in your pocket, when your keys are at the bottom of your bag, and loud cars that rev their engines.
it’s always way too easy for me to write these, which is concerning! gotta stick to the good things.
a few quick hits before we go: the student journalists at columbia covering the protests live on WKCR are incredible and make me proud, the first ep of ‘conan o’brien must go’ on hbo max made me BOL (but the second one was a flop), and this episode of the ezra klein show about editing/writing was great.
xoxo
re: number one - THEY DON'T EVEN PLAY THE TRAILERS IT'S MOSTLY CLIPS OF RANDOMS SCENES??? how is this supposed to help me??!!!!!