Introducing: GOOD THINGS SALON
A conversation club
My favorite place in the world is a candlelit table at the back of a dark bar where I am surrounded by interesting people having a lively discussion. Maybe we’re debating the ethics of Taylor Swift and her moneymaking machine, or the newly minted “rules” for dating according to the New York Times, or whether you should wash your hands every time you pee at your own home, or if men are in crisis or just experiencing consequences. I’m constantly wishing to find myself at one of these tables, and so I made up a reason for more of them.
A salon is defined as “a regular social gathering of eminent people (especially writers and artists) at the house of a woman prominent in high society.” The salon arose in late-16th century Italy, where wealthy women would host a frequent exchange of ideas at their respective palaces. I don’t have a palace and I am not prominent in high society, but I am a woman and a writer and therefore qualified, I think, to start this specific exchange of ideas. GOOD THINGS SALON will be comparable to the following experiences:
Your most fun group chat but live and in person
A cocktail party conversation that the entire room is angling towards
Your dream blunt rotation
A fantastic hang with smart, curious people
MORE ON WHY I’M DOING THIS…
The reason I started this newsletter was to push against hopelessness by curating a list of good stuff that makes me feel like life is worth living. It began as a practice to get me out of my own head, which can sometimes be a very pessimistic place, and to write about stuff I like and why I like it. But by far the thing that keeps me writing each week is the connection it brings me to the people who read it. When friends, family, or strangers reach out to discuss a piece that was in good things or commiserate over something that was in bad things, I feel like I am momentarily at that candlelit table at the back of the bar. Toward the end of last year, I was thinking about the kind of place I wanted to meet new friends or potential suitors and I kept coming back to the idea of that table. GOOD THINGS SALON will bring this sacred exchange I’ve had into the real world and be a place for discussion and fun and hopefulness.
WHO ARE YOU?
An intellectually curious consumer of culture who likes to discuss what they’re reading, watching, listening to, working on, and thinking about.
WHY SHOULD YOU COME?
You’ve heard thousands of times by now that everyone is lonely. We all hate our phones and feel hollowed out by social media. Dating apps have strayed so far from the light and are now simply a great way to connect with every anonymous psycho in your area. We all crave connection. History happens in groups, with other people, out in the real world. But hosting a successful regular gathering is very hard! Famously “everyone wants a village but no one wants to be a villager.” This is your chance to be a villager! The Good Things Salon needs you as much as you need it.
THE DETAILS
When I was dreaming up this very salon, I was talking to my friend Jules Wheaton on the phone about it. She directed me to this episode of The Ezra Klein Show, in which he interviews Priya Parker, author of the book The Art of Gathering. If I’ve seen you in the last few weeks, I’ve probably demanded that you also listen to this episode. It’s radically shifted the way I think about socializing and clarified what I’m hoping to do with this salon.
Parker says that the most successful events have a few of the following characteristics: they are disputatious – meaning that there is a clear reason for the gathering that not everyone in the world would agree with (and thus the forming of this specific interest group), and they are organized with generous authority – meaning that host sets rules that will benefit them but also the attendees.
This bit about rules was one of the most surprising things I heard when I listened to the episode. A party with rules doesn’t sound like a party at all, I said to myself. I thought about the way I feel any time I am at the function and all of a sudden someone announces that we will be “playing a game”. I want to jump out the window. I didn’t sign up to come here and learn the rules of a game! Most of the time, I really don’t like playing games. But especially when they are sprung upon me. The baby shower or bachelorette or dinner party will not be more fun if we play a surprise game. I came here to chat and now you’re making me do something I don’t want to do.
But the key shift here, according to Parker, is that when you give your guests the rules at the outset, it makes for a better gathering. Because those who don’t want to follow the rules don’t have to come. Like, if someone is hosting a game night, I can decide whether or not I’m in the mood to attend game night and play games. And you can assume that everyone who chooses to attend game night is very happy to be there playing games. But surprise games? Maybe fun for game lovers but not for killjoys like me.
The thing about humans is that we deeply despise ambiguity and uncertainty, especially in social settings. When there are clear expectations, Parker says, people are set up for success because they play a part in that success. They opt in or they opt out, but they’re not left wondering.
GOOD THINGS SALON RULES
Lucie will send out 1-2 things to read/watch/listen to as a primer for the topic of that month’s Good Things Salon. They will be short! But you must do the reading/watching/listening before coming.
The salon will be held from 7-8 pm on a Thursday in Brooklyn at a to be announced location. If the conversation is flowing and we go past 8 pm – that’s great! I hope that happens. But 7-8 pm is the time commitment for this event. In order to preserve the flow of conversation and the sanctity of the salon, you must show up on time and commit to the hour.
No texting during the salon. You can pull up notes or things you want to chat about on your phone but it should preferably be out of sight. Nothing kills a conversation like someone texting while you are trying to talk to them.
So with all that laid on the table, I proudly announce GOOD THINGS SALON, a monthly conversation club. The first one is Thursday, March 26th, at a to-be-disclosed location (because it depends on how many people slash if anyone at all wants to attend! LOL).
I’m sorry if you don’t live in New York! I will try to host one in Chicago if the first one isn’t a gigantic disaster.
IF YOU WANT TO COME please reply to this email or text me! I will send out the salon topic and materials and location one week before.
back to your regularly scheduled programming next week!
Put me on the list please and thank you
Please advise possible Chicago location, stat!
Hi, by the way!